This Is Love
by Jaeyan
Summary: AU KxK Late night musings of Kenshin's, and a dark conversation with someone who won't speak back.


Kenshin stood in front of his old, rather beaten microwave, his arm extended. His index finger outstretched, he leaned forward with each button he pushed, rocking back and forth between the balls of his feat and his heels.

His expression blank, his eyes were narrowed slightly, the bright, green numbers of the machine hurting his eyes, the only light in his apartment.

It was early; one in the morning from what the cooking aide told him, but that was faulty, and it couldn't be trusted. Nothing could be trusted anymore.

The light in the microwave had long since gone out, so instead he stared at the steadily changing numbers, rubbing his fingers idly on his boxers. His fingers were slick, and the at least somewhat logical part of him told him a rag would be more effective. He'd get one later.

He'd need it anyway.

His eyes quickly unfocused until all that became of the light from the microwave was a digital blur, and he soon forgot where he was, instead slipping into the past.

The lights had been on. And, technically, they still were, only he'd broken every single one in his apartment. He'd probably cut his feet on all the broken glass, but he hadn't noticed. He was virtually numb, and completely devoid of emotion.

The light massacre had occurred after the main event, hadn't it?

Yes, that's right, it had.

The thought caused a smile to twitch to his lips. Such a mess there was that he was going to have to clean.

Kaoru had been over earlier. She had stopped by for something, but now the information was elusive. She wanted something back, hadn't she? Or maybe she wanted to tell him something.

She was still there, still with him, laying quietly on the living room floor. She'd been rather silent for awhile now; quite the opposite of her normal talkative self. That was alright, though. Change was nice, now and then.

He had enjoyed how surprised she had been. She honestly had no idea it was coming. Neither did Kenshin, for a short while. He had never seen her pretty blue eyes get so large, and her mouth hang open like a fish. It was a look he'd never forget.

That memory was slightly marred. The rags, he needed to remember where he had put them. Someone at the laundromat had probably stolen them again. They always did. But he needed one now. There was such a large splatter mark on his wall from—

The high-pitched tone of the microwave interrupted his thoughts and he removed one of the bland frozen dinners that had inhabited the back of his freezer for awhile now. He fumbled through a drawer for a little while until he gripped a fork.

Leaving the drawer open, he moved into the living room, walking over glass and moist carpet. As he settled into the couch, he stabbed some unidentifiable meat with the fork and looked to the dark, slumped figure by the wall, and he could barely see the dark stain on the wall, the largest part maybe three feet from the floor.

He set the tray on the table, looking quickly to the glass door that led to the balcony. The moonlight was bright, and he debated closing the curtains, but decided against it.

"Now darling…" He spoke softly, and extended his hands to a slightly round object resting on his coffee table, and gave it an affectionate pat, letting his fingers drift through ebony hair.

"I know your recent…disfigurement has upset you…" His fingers touched the gap where Kaoru's left eye and most of that side of her skull should have been, his sigh punctuating his words.

"But please, you need to eat. Nothing will get better if you don't eat." His hands left Kaoru's face, and he watched her expectantly. However, his features soon turned sour, and he frowned.

"Why does it matter to you so much? All that should matter is that I love you. And I do." He paused, leaning back in his seat, and pushed a hand through his hair.

"I know it's not the best, but it's all that I have. I haven't gotten groceries lately. I've been worried about us. I thought you didn't understand how much I love you. But we're together again so it's alright." He closed his eyes, and for a moment almost drifted to sleep, but his eyes suddenly snapped open. He glared at the sleek, metal object on the table, then snatched up his deceased lover's head.

"Stop looking at it! I know what you want to do! You want to shoot me, don't you?! Don't you?!" He screamed, frantic, but quickly stopped, glancing accusingly at the walls before combing at what was left of Kaoru's scalp.

"Hush, dear. I didn't mean to make you cry. And I shouldn't have raised my voice. Those nosy neighbors will probably think we're fighting again. But we're not, are we, love? No, we're the happiest we've ever been."

He stood, cradling the head in his arms like it was an infant, and slid open the glass door. The freezing night air met him, but he wouldn't have known if he hadn't been able to see his breath. He set what remained of Kaoru's head on a chair on the balcony and he leaned on the railing, looking down.

"Ten stories…" He murmured, reaching for the pack of cigarettes that lay in a flower box, and lit one with a lighter that had been abandoned with them.

"I've been trying to quit for you, love. I really have. I know how much you hate it. Don't you see? Everything I do is for you. For us." He smiled, though it faded as he stepped from the railing.

"Dear, you're looking so pale. I told you that you should eat or this would happen. You never listen to me, though I know what's good for you. But you never listen." He heaved a sigh and reached for her, picking her up. Now, in the moonlight, he could see her much more clearly, and pushed her hair from what remained of her face.

He set her in the flower box, facing out towards the street, and he climbed over the railing, gripping it as he tried to gain balance.

"It's so nice out here, isn't it? Aw, fuck." The cigarette tumbled from his lips, and he watched as it fell to the ground below. "What was that, darling? Jump? I'm awfully tired, though, I don't think I have the strength to jump. I could just let go, though, couldn't I?" He considered this for a moment, drumming his fingers on the metal bar he held onto, then bent his knees slightly.

"Would it make you happy? If I jump, will it make you happy?" He paused, smiling. "I thought so. Won't it be great, though, when the police show up? They'll find you brains on my wall. And they'll find you sleeping on my floor and out here watching the sunrise. But who will clean my apartment if I jump? I suppose the police will, won't they. I'm sorry about your eye, I really am. I always loved your eyes. I hadn't meant to, but at least there's still one, right? Yeah. And those cops'll get to see what a pretty girlfriend I have, and what beautiful eyes she has. They'll be jealous."

His legs flexed, and he frowned at the sounds of the cars from the nearby road. He had always hated that road; There was always car horns or alarms or something going off.

"It's alright, I forgive you. I know you didn't mean what you said. I'm not lying, I'm serious. I'll prove it to you. I only want you to be happy, because I love you." He bent down, touching his lips to that of the blood-stained corpse and grinned, though it faltered.

"Why am I—No, no dear. I only want you to be happy. I love you." His smile returned. "Only you matter to me.

He released the rail, and for a short moment, he thought instinctively to grip onto it again, but he didn't. He slipped from the balcony, the wind rushing past him as he fell, the grin plastered on his face as Kaoru's head disappeared from view, a feeling of bliss upon him as he closed his eyes.

"All because I love you."


End file.
